1. You Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Wear this Much Spandex. I really have no other words for this piece. It defies description. It came from my good friend, Robbie Mackenzie. I shudder to think how or why he found it. You have to hand it to these three dancing queens. They have….spirit.

2. You Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Drink. This guy is either sauced or just stupidly awesome at video bombing. He’s got skills.

3. You Shouldn’t Be Alive. This video contains some of the luckiest human beings on the planet (Earth). Some of these people shouldn’t be alive, but I’m glad they are so we can derive some guilt-free entertainment from their flirtations with death.

 
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Click pictures to enlarge.

1. I have no idea if this is real or a scene from a movie. I like to pretend that it’s real. Two questions: 1) What do you think they’re saying to each other? 2) How much do you think their old-man-muscle-turned-fat weighs combined?

2. Which of Alan Moore’s professions do you think pays him the most? My money is on “Wizard.”

3. If I ever need a team of high-powered lawyers that look like total weirdo-goofballs, I know who to call. The gentleman in the middle was involved in a rather high-profile case here in Alabama, and yes, the lawyers that are flanking him won the case.

4. Reason #37 why I will never own a Hyundai: it has a “Cat Folder.” Nice try, cat ladies. Nice try.

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1. Barely Texting. There are a lot of  bad things that can happen when you’re texting and walking and not paying attention to where you’re going. The gentlemen below almost found that out the hard way, and by “hard way” I mean “bear-meat way”. lol.

2. Tap Out. Google is quite the practical jokester. Did you see this little piece they put out on Aril Fool’s Day? They almost got me, but I think they were just appealing to my dilemma of having fat fingers.

3. Master Golfer. Did you catch Martin Kaymer’s hole-in-one on the 16th at the Master’s last weekend? Granted, it was in a practice round, but a hole-in-one is still pretty impressive. Oh, yeah- and he did it by skipping it across the water (which is a practice round tradition at that hole during the Masters). Insane.

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Before we get all “This is the future! Let’s go get our hoverboards and go find some cyborgs to rough up,” let’s pause and think about some pros and cons of Project Glass:

Pro:
The glasses will free you from having to constantly pull out your phone for calls, texts, emails, etc.

Con:
Sooner or later you’ll step off of a curb reading a text and break your ankle…and possibly your Project Glass glasses.

Pro:
People can ditch their Bluetooth earpieces.

Con:
We’ll have to find something else to make fun of you for behind your back.

Pro:
Project Glass will make it easy to keep up with your friends, events, and personal interests.

Con:
Someone (most likely Apple) will come out with a contact lens version of this same thing. Your friends will see you at an event, refer to you as “Ol’ Three Eyes” because you’re still rocking the old-school Project Glass glasses, and you’ll be too embarrassed to go back out, leaving you plenty of time for your personal interests.

Pro:
Navigation on foot through cities, stores, etc. will be much easier.

Con:
The navigation app will have trouble working due to interference from other Project Glass users who are also on their way to the Star Trek Convention. Guess you’ll have to get directions the old fashioned way, Geordi La Forge.

Pro:
People will see that you’re on the cutting edge of technology when your rock your new Project Glass specs.

Con:
People will see that you’re on the cutting edge of looking like dorky RoboCop…minus all the awesome guns.

Aside from all that, Project Glass looks incredible. It’s crazy the things these brilliant companies are coming up with. Technology will continue to push the envelope, making us more connected, more informed, and nerdier than ever. Bring it.

Do you think you’d enjoy wearing Project Glass glasses? If not, what are some other “cons” I neglected to mention? 

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1. My youngest turned two over the weekend. He wakes us up every morning at 6:30 asking for waffles. As much as we love sleep, we love him more.

2. I’m on Twitter. Are you on Twitter? If so, follow me, and I’ll follow you back. Promise.

3. Baseball is back! As crazy as I am about football and basketball, baseball will always be my first love. I could watch every day and not grow weary of it. Some see it as boring. I see it as poetic.

4. I’ll tell you what kind of baseball is not boring- games that feature five and six-year-olds. I’m lucky enough to be an assistant coach on Xander’s team. I also have been designated as the pitcher (coach-pitch league). So far, I’ve yet to hit any of our batters, every kid has gotten a hit, and I’m toting an ERA that is hovering around the 14.59 range (which is pretty solid considering we only play three innings).

5. Did you give up anything for Lent? If so, were you able to make good on your exercise in discipline? Betsi and I gave up soft drinks, and while it was tough a few days, we’re both really glad we stuck with the fast. I’m surprised the folks at Mt. Dew didn’t call me to see what was up…

 What was your favorite part about Easter this year (aside from church obviously)? Egg hunts? Copious amounts of candy? Bubba Watson winning the Masters? 

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1. Down-set-dunk. I wonder how many times these guys practiced this. Makes it even cooler that they pulled it off. However, some pass interference would’ve been interesting…

2. Tie the knot…on your head. My groomsmen and I played basketball the night before and golf the day of my wedding. Betsi gave me very specific instructions 1) Don’t break your ankle playing ball and 2) Don’t get hit in the face by a golf ball. I wonder if this bride said anything to the groom about no back-flips. Probably should’ve…

3. Ma! The Meat loaf! I love TV news bloopers. It’s always interesting to see the ones that can handle the goof and the ones that, for some reason, start howling in the background. I know. Weird, huh? Enjoy this one that features a graphics fail involving one of the greatest performing artists of all time.

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Much has happened since we last talked.

• The Hunger Games craze is…crazy. I finished the final book, Mockingjay, a few days before the HG movie came out. Betsi and I took in the midnight showing the day after it premiered (because we’re uncool like that).

• We bought a Mac. Wow. What took us so long?

• Betsi and I took in the US Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL. It was her first time and my first time since 8th grade (1995). Much has changed, but three things remain the same: 1) God is awesome and His creation is breathtaking. 2) There are some ridiculously smart people walking around on the earth. 3) Betsi does not handle the Gravatron too well.

• Xander started baseball. I won’t say too much right now because I can see an infinite amount of blogging material coming from this new season of life. His first game was this week, and as  you can see from the photo on the right, he’s pretty intense. And check out his defensive positioning. Textbook.

That’s all for now. The Thursday Trifecta returns tomorrow with three must-see videos. See you then!

How did you do with your bracket(s)? Feel free to gloat or gripe in the comments!

p.s. I wrote a guest post today for my good friend, Robbie Mackenzie. Check it out.

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I like Facebook. I think you probably like it, too. It’s a great site for making and strenthening friendships, as well as keeping up with old friends and acquaintences. I have a couple of mottos in life. One is “See a doctor and get rid of it” and the other is “Never stop growing.” One is probably more beneficial than the other. You be the judge.

I thought it’d make for an interesting discussion to lay out some tips on how you, yes you, can become a better Facebook friend. Grab a pen and take some notes. Seriously. You probably need this.

1. Wish your friends happy birthday. This is quick and painless and way cheaper than driving to the store to purchase and then mail a card, especially since Facebook has integrated the “express bday wish box” or whatever it’s called.

2. Contribute meaningful content. Don’t tell us what you’re watching or eating…unless your munching on a McRib while watching Hoarders. In that case, shout it from the rooftops. Eat at a new restaurant or try a new dish at the Outback? Share that. Redbox a great movie? Tell us. Eat a box of Oreos while watching Biggest Loser? Keep that to yourself.

3. Comment, Like, Repeat. There’s a reason people share information, pictures, videos, links, etc. They want you to share in their joy. Don’t leave them hanging! Give out simple comments like, “Great pic!“, “You’re hilarious!“, and “This link has brought fulfillment to my empty, meaningless life!” If you don’t feel like saying something, just click “Like.” It’s simple, easy, and will most likely boost the poster’s self-worth.

4. Don’t tag too hard. Everyone likes pictures of themselves. Correction: Everyone likes good pictures of themselves. When uploading pics from your latest adventure, spare your friend some embarrassment and don’t tag them in the picture where it appears they’re about to sneeze while sucking on a lemon. They’ll probably never thank you for not tagging them, but they’ll probably never de-friend you for it either.

5. It’s a wall, not a telephone. Your friend’s Facebook wall isn’t the place to start a three-day-back-and-forth dialogue about how you’re looking forward to the Barry Manilow concert next weekend and the merits of having “Mandy” verses “Copacabana” as the encore song. Send them a private message or we’ll hide you faster than Lola can do the cha-cha. This especially pertains to couples. Keep it off our news feeds and get a room. Please.

6. Reconnect once a week. Browse through your list of friends and find a person you haven’t interacted with in a long time  and “reconnect” with them by simply sending them a message, writing a brief message on their wall, or commenting on/Liking a recent picture they’ve posted. You’ll earn life points, and we all could stand a few more of those.

7. Start a group. You probably have a group of friends that really get into things like running, couponing, possum hunting, etc. Why not start a group and invite your like-minded friends so you all can share tips, tricks, and pictures of your kills?

8. Respond. If someone takes the time to post on your wall or send you a message, respond back to them. Nothing says, “I could care less that you exist” like never replying back when a friend asks how the new job is going or whether or not you ever got over that mysterious case of leprosy.

9. Poke not, lest ye be poked. Ok, I’ll be honest. I have yet to figure out the reason why we can “poke” each other on Facebook. It’s creepy, juvenile, and downright barbaric. I am, however, all for randomly poking people in real life.

10. Be selective. There are lots of things you should and should not share online. I think I remember reading a compelling post on that topic…The bottom line is this: when in doubt, leave it out. Also remember that Facebook is not for keeping us up-to-date on every minute of your day. No one is that interesting. We’ll tolerate you if you post 1-3 times a day. Any more than that and we’ll hide you faster than Tony came across the bar at Rico (that’s two Copacabana jokes if you’re scoring at home).

What do you think? What makes a good or bad Facebook friend?

1. What Not to Do: If you ever find yourself suddenly in the background of a live television shot, just act cool and calmly walk off-camera. Don’t do what this girl does, unless you want to end up here and on the screens of millions of other internet users who are looking for a laugh.

2. Who Not to Be: The disturbing level on this clip is off the charts. I want to punch each of these adults squarely in their necks. I really can’t say any more about this or I’ll lose it…whatever “it” is.

3. How Not to Clap: Note to Actors and Actresses: If you ever want to appear as if you’re not a cranky, has-been Hollywood byproduct, don’t employ the Major-Award-Show-Clapping-Strategy of one Nick Nolte. Poor guy looks like he could use a hug…and a razor.

Be honest. How far into the second video were you when you first had the “these people should be locked up” thought pop into your mind? 

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1. My mother is a rare creature. She was born on the 29th of February. That’s right. She was a Leap Year Baby- the unicorns of babies. This past week she turned 14, unofficially making me 16 years older than the woman who birthed me. Bizarre.

2. Oreos are rare creatures. They were born on March 6, 1912. That’s right. They turn 100 tomorrow. Join me in celebrating the Michael Jordan of cookies. If you really want to take your love for Oreos to the next level, check out its 100th birthday website.

3. In December of 2009, I asked my family and friends to give to my charity: water campaign in lieu of buying me a Christmas present and in support of a marathon I was running. Last week, I received an email informing me that Ethiopian village of Adibeaynom now has a brand new fresh-water well because of the the $2547 you helped me raise. They even sent GPS coordinates and pictures of the new well (click on the images below for larger versions). This organization does amazing work in the name of clean water, in the name of Jesus.

4. One day, I will build this bedroom for my boys…or for me. Incredible.

If you could go back in time and custom design the bedroom you grew up in, what would be in it?

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